Cineya Gayle addresses the misconceptions that come with being the mother of a stillborn

Brooklyn native, Cineya Gayle, spent 20+ hours in labor at Piedmont Hospital in Atlanta, Georgia, but already knew her daughter, Kalilah Gayle was gone. Prior to the delivery, Kalilah’s heart stopped beating. Although it was the worst experience of her life, on November 2, 2017, she gained an angel. Gayle is very vocal about the stillbirth on social media and is determined to be an advocate for other mothers who are dealing with a loss and hopes to make the conversations less taboo.

According to CDC, Stillbirth effects about one percent of all pregnancies in the United States and each year about 24,000 babies are stillborn. African-American mothers are twice as likely to give birth to stillborns. In some cases the cause of death is known but in the case of Kalilah Gayle, it was not.

Gayle addresses some of the misconceptions that comes with stillbirth and being the mother of an Angel.

“Oh my god, there are so many,” says Gayle, 24. She starts with the fact that people feel like stillbirth isn’t losing a ‘’real baby.’’

“Sometimes I think people don’t consider her “real” because why wouldn’t I want to talk about her,” says Gayle. “Why wouldn’t I consider myself a mother? What’s really the difference?’’

The NY native continues, “We aren’t sad all the time. I’m happy to be Kalilah’s mom. Mothers want to talk about their children alive or not. We don’t want our child to be forgotten and we don’t want to be ignored or avoided.’’

“The ones closest to me that I expected to support me, they didn’t. I had to deal with my daughters death and the people I love not knowing how to be there for me, or just choosing not to. And that was hard.”

“There is so much family and friends can do to support.” she explains. “It’s better to say “I’m thinking of you and your daughter’’ than nothing at all. [You can] google what to do when someone loses a baby.”

And lastly, “Dads hurt, too.’’

Gayle didn’t think she would find the strength to live without her daughter but each day she continues to thrive. She was broken down, at rock bottom and thought her life was over. She was in the darkness for a longtime and to overcome that, she says is an amazing experience.

“I still can’t believe it. To look back and know that I came through something I would have never imagined gives me hope,” she says. “My daughters death was supposed to break me and it didn’t. I got back up! I am better than I ever was and I could never again doubt my strength.”

“I have to live for my child now, she’s counting on me and cheering me on from heaven.”

Gayle reminds herself daily that Kalilah is still with her and she’ll never forget the 40 weeks they shared together.

‘’Being a mother is a great honor and privilege. God gave us women the gift to bare children and to be eternally connected to a human you created! How amazing motherhood is, to understand what unconditional love really is. A mother means sacrifice, dedication, and hard work!’’

During Cineya Gayle’s stay at Piedmont Atlanta Hospital, she was fortunate enough to have the support of an outstanding organization called Rachel’s Gift. Rachel’s Gift partners with hospitals and their staff to assist parents through the initial phase of infant loss. They encourage families to make memories with their child and provide grief assistance for the families as well as providing lifetime keepsakes of their child. These keepsakes will be a lifetime reminder and a physical connection to the child that was in their arms a matter of minutes or hours.

“The impact the nurses and staff had on my experience was imperative. The time succeeding your child’s death is crucial. Having educated and compassionate staff immediately after, ultimately determines the direction of your journey. I cannot imagine anyone who may not have had the same experience as I, although I am sure it’s happening everyday.”

Cineya Gayle attended Virginia State University and received her Bachelor of Science in Biology. Recently, Gayle relocated to ATL where she’s attending Life university to obtain her Master of Science degree in Sport Health Science and Doctorate Of Chiropractic.

She plans to start her own foundation in Kalilah’s memory. The mission would focus on education, training and counseling to hospital staff in communities who most likely don’t have access to these resources. Mothers aren’t receiving the support they need and may be compelled not to share their story because they don’t have the proper education or advocates. Proper education and awareness will bring change to the taboo of stillbirth and neonatal loss.